It's 5 PM. Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

At 5:00 I still have to go out five more times today. Pick up, oops forgot my sneakers- drive back to school to get them, drop off, drop off, pick up, pick up. Wait, that's six times. It's unbelievable how much gas I use driving in circles.  From one school to the other and back again. "Mom can you drive D, G  and J home too?" Sure! What's three more kids in my car! Especially when I have exactly 10 minutes to pick up my daughter, but now have to drive home three other kids who have to be somewhere else in 20 minutes. Are you following me yet? 

Every afternoon is a whirlwind of activities, in the suburbs that means driving and carpools. It requires precise timing and ingenuity to get our kids where they have to be, especially if it's at the same time.  We have to be master jugglers - timing homework, snacks, dinner, and (occasional) showers around the various activities that take up our children's afternoons and evenings.  

We all say we don't want to over-schedule our kids, but it just happens. But, they are involved in sports, community service, and theater. They certainly could be doing worse things.  

Best of all in this chaos, they enjoy it. They have chosen their activities, and as their parent I have chosen to support them.  Which means I regularly invest in Mobil and Hess, and sometimes McDonalds. 

I really don't mind driving them around because they really want to be doing what they're doing.  It is exhausting though. Sometimes the thought of getting in my car one more time with a bunch of smelly, screeching kids makes me, well...I've learned to tune them out.  At the end of the day, it's all good. Then we get to wake up and start over again.

When my children are grown will I miss this part of parenting? Probably. 

BOO!

To dress up or to not dress up, that is the question. Are you too cool when you are in sixth grade to dress up for Halloween? Or are you still considered a little kid and are therefore, hopefully, not ridiculed for choosing to dress as a care bear, or a witch, or a ghost.

H has wrestled with this decision this year. She is, after all, only 11.  Halloween has always been one of her favorite holidays BECAUSE of the costumes, and of course the candy. H and her friends would deliberate for weeks on their costumes. Should they dress as 1950's girls, sesame street characters or m&m's? We would make several trips to the Halloween costume store before a final decision was made. Sometimes returning and purchasing several costumes multiple times.

I am completely ok with that. I love Halloween too. In elementary school a whole day was devoted to it! There would be a parade, where all parents, grandparents and other assorted family members would gather midday and surround the school, cameras in hand. My husband would even take off work for this! After the parade, class parties ensued followed by the mad rush to dash home for trick-or-treating.

We are blessed to live in a neighborhood full of young families and children. Frankly, it is a zoo on Halloween but I love it. The kids rush home from school, wait for their friends and then gather in the street. Hopefully we get a picture before they run off.

My son, who is a freshman in high school now, has always dressed up with his friends.  Being cool was never an issue for him because he just enjoyed it and went with the flow. He's lucky that his friends are like that. They don't think they're too cool, they feel comfortable just enjoying themselves. Sometimes that takes more guts than trying to fit in - 'should I or shouldn't I, what will people think'.

I felt a little deflated when my daughter said she didn't really want to dress up. I know she is reacting to peer pressure - I know she wants to be a pink care bear. She waited to find out what her friends where doing before she made her decision.  Yes - she will be a pink care bear, and several of her other friends will be care bears of different colors. As much as she loved this costume, she never would have followed her heart unless her peers were on the same page. I'm sorry she feels that way, but I guess I remember how hard it was to fit in if you stepped out of the box.

I will choose to treasure my sweet pink care bear this year because next year she she may be too cool to dress up for halloween, and I'll just have to accept that.

The Graduation Class of 2016

At my son's high school open house last week, the principal referred to his class of 2016 as sounding very "sci fi". I have agree with that statement because while, yes it is 2012, 2016 seem eons away.  I know it's not, however.  I know it will sneak up on me frighteningly fast. J will be taking drivers ed, SATs and filling out college applications before I can blink. I can actually feel it coming. Like a train hurtling down the tracks at breakneck  speed - and I am like a deer in the headlights.  His childhood, adolescence, teenage years are going by at breakneck speed now. I'm just trying to keep up. 

Many of my friends already have kids in college or are in the application process now. I am familiar with the angst of this process.   Part of me is saying " start studying for your SATs! Study those vocabulary words!" My husband wants to to start teaching him to drive. 

I follow J on Instagram (still not completely understanding how it works!!). It gives me a little insight into his world outside of home. I want him to be independent and I know he is a very capable and trustworthy kid. 

I also want him to still hold my hand. God bless boys, they always love their mothers! At close to 5'10' he will still sometimes hold my hand, snuggles with me on the couch and actually wants to hang out with me.  I trust him enough to let him go (a little bit) but it breaks my heart a little too, each time he goes his own way.

I am praying that high school is good to him. That he finds his way, keeps and makes new friends, develops a sense of independence that will benefit him in college, and most of all develops a positive sense of self.  

I find it difficult as a mom to be unaware of what is going on in his life every moment. Like when he was little. I know he has to become an independent person, separate from his family.  He has to figure out who he is and what he wants to make of his life.  That's a tall order if you ask me. I'd be happy to assist him along the way.

SPOILER ALERT!

No H, there is no tooth fairy. My daughter H, has a very high loft bed, making it extremely difficult for the tooth fairy to reach under her pillow. Several months ago, upon losing a tooth, I told her to put it under her pillow.  Of course, she had to put it as far away from the outside of the bed as possible. Did I mention her bed is up against the wall? In order to access the tooth, said tooth fairy must climb up on a stool, shimmy arms through handrail, reach over sleeping child to far end of pillow and extract tooth in exchange for money (and possibly One Direction trading cards).

However, the female tooth fairy in the house is apparently not tall enough nor does not have the arm length needed to reach said tooth. Female tooth fairy asks male tooth fairy to do what he has to do before he goes to work (which is around 5:00 am). 

Oh dear, what happens next was quite devastating for mama bear.  H woke up while tooth fairy/daddy was reaching under her pillow! Needless to say, I was the only one who was crushed by the revelation that my daughter realized we were the tooth fairy.  It most definitely takes the fun out of her still losing her teeth. "No mom, it's ok, i don't need to put it under my pillow anymore." If that doesn't deserve a frowning face i don't know what does :(.

As I peruse the school calendar I am mourning the days my children no longer are privy to.  By those days I mean the half days for school conferences, the Halloween parades, the book fairs, the fun fairs, the family picnics.  I looked forward to these events with eager anticipation each year and we attended  them as a family, sometimes including grandparents as well. 

Forgive me for my indulgences into the world of elementary school.  I feel like my heart is still there and I am slowly trying to wean myself out. Of course my children are not there anymore and seem very happy to have moved on. My daughter recently informed me that middle school was much better than elementary school because she had more freedom. I completely understand that. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of her growing and changing and feeling that little bit of freedom. I remember it myself.  However... it was only a few months ago that she was still in 5th grade and telling me that she wasn't ready for middle school.  

She is adjusting much better than I ever imagined! She is on the cheer team so she doesn't get home until almost 6:00 on most days. She sits right down and starts her homework. That's quite a big change from the girl who came home cranky and throwing herself on the floor every other day for six years. Not that I miss that part. Ok, maybe I do a little. I just didn't know it would be so hard to see my baby growing up so fast.

Also, she might not want to dress up for Halloween! I'm devastated! Crushed! How could she not want to dress up for Halloween?!! Halloween is a pretty big deal in our town. My kids have worn costumes since they were babies. My son has always been into it and dressed up with his friends to trick-or-treat. Even in his first year in high school, he will come up with some kind of costume, as will his friends.

H, on the other hand has different groups of friends. Some who still like their dolls and will definitely dress up for Halloween and the other ones who think they are too cool.  I can see her wavering between the two. I don't want to lose my baby just yet!  No, I'm not ready to let go of dolls and Halloween costumes!  Please H - you are definitely not too cool to dress up, or play with dolls or still be a little girl!

I do not mean that I don't want my kids to "literally" not grow up. Everyone says things to me like that. "Well the alternative is worse!"  I am just having a very hard time this particular school year. My daughter H and my son J recently started middle school and high school respectively (heretofore known as H and J).  For them it was changing schools and moving on to bigger and better things,

But for me... well, I'm still struggling with having a child in high school (how on earth did that happen!) and having my baby start middle school.  My baby, who now won't hold my hand, wave to me when she is with her friends, and says things like ' Mom don't do that!' (I don't even know what I'm doing!!).

Many years ago, BK (Before Kids), people would say things to me like  - time goes so fast when you have kids. I would just nod my head and smile. They were so right! I truly can't believe that they are in middle school and high school now.  I feel a little nauseous when I think that my son is in high school.  I spent many happy years in their elementary school. Volunteering for everything from class parent to chairing committees. 

Now, well, I'm not so wanted in the middle school. They don't know me by name in the office, and there are hundreds of more kids and teachers that I don't feel as connected as I did in elementary school.  Oh yes, and the fact that my daughter doesn't want me around.  

Now high school, well, I'm still trying to figure that one out. I don't even know all of my son's teachers names! Shouldn't I know that! He goes to such an immense school that he is exhausted when he gets home from racing from class to class.  Talk about feeling disconnected! There are several security guards in the lobby who make me sign three different things before they decide if they will let me in. Apparently, they are on their own in high school.  If they are sick and you have to go get them - they come to you. If they need to change something on their schedule - they take care of it themselves. 

Well I'm just not used to that! Excuse me for being a bit of a hovering mom. No, I do not smother my children; however, I like to know what is going on all the time. If there is a change to be made in school - I damn well better be in on it somehow! I understand that my 14 year old son is supposed to start thinking for himself and becoming independent - but - IT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE IT! 

I truly miss the times when my children were young. Yes - it does go fast, faster than you would ever realize. I feel like just yesterday we were watching Scooby Doo and having a picnic of macaroni and cheese, cookies and grapes on the back lawn.  

I love, love being with my children. I especially miss those days when the three of us would have a whole day together and I would take them to the park and bring lunch and get them ice cream.  I did activities with them like that frequently - I wonder what they remember about those days. I hope that they will have happy memories of their childhoods. I know I do.

My son J, has to be up very early for the high school bus. It comes at 6:55am. Since he started going to preschool at two I have been up with him, prepared him breakfast and made sure he had his lunch and whatever else he needed for the day. He recently said to me "mom - you don't have to get up with me. I can get ready myself." Needless to say I was crushed. It was like the time when he was about seven and said to me " you don't need to lay with me anymore mommy, I can fall asleep without you."

I don't even get to go to the bus stop anymore to take them or meet them. Another sad moment for me. Last year was the end of the bus stops for me. Now that my daughter is in middle school she doesn't want me anywhere near the bus stop (which happens to be our driveway).  I can't even come out to get the paper! "Oh no mom, you can't come out like that!" 

I've watched my baby girl grow and change rapidly over the past few months. She is a beautiful, confident child. I see her on the the edge of little girl/big girl right now. Sometimes she still wants to play with her dolls, and sometimes she just wants to text her friends about boys. I'm lucky to have a good relationship with my children. They both talk to me about whats going on in their lives and sometimes in their friends lives.  I know how important it is to listen to your children and be there for them. 

However - small children, small problems - big kids, big problems. I don't think its wrong or weird to wish my children were little again. Even if it was for one day, or for one hour. Just to have that innocence back. To not have to worry about things like peer pressure (a biggie!), are they going to fit in, who likes this boy or that girl. I sometimes find it difficult to listen to the problems of their friends, but I do it because they want to tell me.  Some of what they tell me is silly, but some of it is serious and scary.  

Don't get me wrong - I am extremely proud of my children and how they are turning out.  I just didn't realize this process, for me, was going to to be so difficult.